Mrs. Lonely

Soo I couldnt pay my $600 phone bill. Well I wont pay it because I have bigger obligations right now. But anyway I dont have a phone. So I have no real contact with anyone but even so I dont even really have any friends.. Like none. Not even my husband as bad as it sounds. He is not my friend. He hurts my feelings quite often. Honestly its because he is bipolar. Its hard dealing with it especially when he's not getting help. But since he's admitted it and I threatin to leave his crazy ass he has changed.. but its only been a day so we will see where it goes. I like to call him my bestfriend because in reality he is all I have. So by default he is my bestfriend. If I had my real bestfriend to turn to I wouldnt feel so lonely. She completely abandon me. She knows she's all I got. But idk I guess I cant really blame her because she has a baby and bigger responsibilties then to be there for her bestfriend at least once a week (-_-) I kinda resent her but I'm overwhelmed with emotion and I love and miss her so much ): I literally have NO FRIENDS. I just cant trust people so I never really had alot of friends. Then when I got married and became shackled to the house I went from few associates to not even that. I have no family. My mom disowns me and my grandma wont stand up to my mom so she pretty much disowns me too. My dad is there.. mildly. He's as there as he can be with me being married and all. I have my cousin. Who honestly I dont feel too connected to. I have no one. No one at all and being lonely in the house all day with no one to talk to but ur psycho husband who one minute wants to be all over u and the next is screaming like he has no sense really sucks. IDK what I'm doing anymore but crying feels really good.. I know that much.